Sunday, March 12, 2006

Leonard: Acoustical Anomaly

Why Bees are so Bee-otchin'
#8 Honeybees have no sense of the individual; it is all about the survival and success of the colony. If a honeybee becomes injured or old and is no longer able to work, it may go to the edge of the hive, jump off, and die. If it doesn't kill itself, it is killed by the fellow worker bees that it has spent its life helping.

Leonard is the loudest cruncher I've ever met. When he's eating something that's crunchy, I can hear him even if I'm on the other side of the apartment, in a room with the door closed. He's a little self-conscious about his crunching, and if we have people over and he's eating something like pretzels or chips, he'll whisper to me "Am I crunching too loud? I'm trying really hard not to!" One time, Leonard and I were watching television together. I noticed that he continually turned up the T.V. until it was blaring. I looked at him with a quizzical look. Leonard put down his bowl of cereal and said "I can't hear the T.V. over my crunching!" Eventhough Leonard thinks his crunching is a negative attribute, I find it absolutely fascinating. The crunching sound that projects from his mouth is majestic and sonorous. His mouth has such amazing accoustics, it could easily outdo any famous music hall out there. If we were able to shrink the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to miniscule proportions, I'm sure they'd find a worthy concert hall in Leonard's mouth. If I had one wish, I'd like examine the complex blueprints belonging to the man that we call Leonard.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Deal or No Deal?

Why Bees are so Bee-otchin'
#9 Honeybees are so oriented to the location of their hive, that if the hive is moved a mere 5 ft. from its regular location the bee will go to original hive area, fall to the ground, and eventually die.

There's a new game show on T.V. called "Deal or No Deal," where the contestant has the tough choice of taking money offered by a banker, or risking it all to get even more. Leonard and I watched it once, and lately he has been incorporating the show into our marriage. It usually goes something like this:
Me: Leonard, will you bring the car in from the street - I don't want to get a ticket.
Leonard: That depends, what are the stakes?
Me: I'll make you a salad.
Leonard: (yells angrily) No Deal!
Me: O.k. I'll make you a salad with a side of fruit.
Leonard: What type of fruit?
Me: Pineapple...
Leonard: No Deal!!!!
Me: Pineapple and grapes.
Leonard: (looks to his left as though consulting the audience) hmmm (thinks it over for a minute).....o.k. Deal!
I was always told that compromise was a pretty big part of marriage. I guess this is just the way that Leonard plans to go about it. (At least there aren't a bunch of hot chicks holding briefcases in our version of the show).

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Bees, Paula Abdul, and Leonard

O.k. So we all know there are some pretty bitchin' insects out there. Many have amazing adaptations, physical appearance, and mating habits. I have to say, though, that my most favorite insect is the honeybee. Here I begin my top 10 reasons why honeybees are so freakin' amazing. I'll post the rest in subsequent days - keep comin' back folks.

Why bees are so bee-otchin'
#10 Inside the honeybee abdomen are iron-containing cells which are connnected to nerves. These cells help the honeybee sense the earth's magnetic field, which aids in navigation. It is perhaps this mechanism that allows honeybees to travel miles from their hive and still find their way home.

Lately, Leonard and I have been watching the hit TV show American Idol. I have a blast watching shows like this with Leonard, as his comments always crack me up. On this show in particular, Leonard likes to expand upon the judges' comments. The other night, it went something like this:
Paula Abdul: Wow. You sang great tonight.
Contestant: Thanks Paula.
Paula Abdul: No really. You made that song you're own. It's like you came out of your shell.
Leonard: Yes. You really came out of your shell tonight. Upon shedding your shell, you resembled a slug. Perhaps Simon will pour some salt on you, and dry you out completely. Yes, I think that's what might happen. Very strong performance.
I've noticed that when Leonard does this with his family, no one really reacts, but I can't stop laughing. One of his siblings remarked once that they simply got used to some of his humor. We've been married for almost 3 years now, and I think I find him even funnier now than I did at the beginning. I guess his Leonard antics will never really grow old.